Paying bills sucks! So I stopped paying them. Now I have more money to buy wine.

I used to go through the daily ritual of opening mail and throwing it down in disappointment upon learning that So-and-So wants $$$ by XX Date. Now I just drop everything in the shredder. The grinding sound of a bill collector’s dreams going up in smoke is liberating.

Contrary to popular belief, the world doesn’t end when you don’t pay your bills. I stamped my unopened power bill “Return to Sender” and nothing bad happened. Now instead of using those hot ceiling lamps at night, I light a candle. It’s a cool tribute to the middle ages.

Before, I would have to wait for my ice cream to reach that perfect half melted stage before I ate it because the coldness was a shock to my sensitive teeth. Now when I open the freezer, my ice cream is at the perfect temperature.

Television used to be such a distraction, especially during football season. Now that we no longer have cable, my husband has no choice but to talk to me.

Student loans, shmudent loans. If the Gov’ment wanted that money back they’d have given me a higher paying job. Sheeit.

I am still paying rent, but only because I enjoy living in a house. But if someone let me move in with them I’d tell my landlord to kiss my ass too.

So to all those Suckas out there still giving your money away for no apparent reason:
Stop paying your bills.

Having money is awesome.