This is the longest workday eveeeer!  I’m ready to run away.  I packed up all my stuff.

Every time I get ready to make a break for it, my boss walks by.  She doesn’t say anything – but there she is again.  She must have a sixth sense for potential escapees or something.

8 hours is so long!  It’s not fair.  Being a grown-up sucks.  Who invented the 40-hour work week?

Work would not be as painful if we had recess.  Why don’t we have recess?  Now our only options for freedom during the day are to either take extended bathroom breaks or develop a smoking habit.  Neither of which are much fun.  Has anyone ever really enjoyed bowel issues or lung cancer?

Plus, your coworkers will inevitably notice your extended absences from your desk.

If you try to cheat by taking extended lunches, you will have to stay in the office longer to make up for it.  Took an hour and a half for lunch?  Tack that extra 30 minutes onto the end of your workday.  Otherwise, expect to see that money gone from your paycheck.

This is so bogus!  Back in the day, if you “got lost” on the way back to the classroom from the school cafeteria, you didn’t have to stay a proportionate amount of extra time after class.  Teachers did not care if you missed class.

Why is the office norm sitting at your desk pretending to work?  Normal behavior should be skipping down the hallway singing.  Recess for grown-ups.

WHY NOT?

Sometimes, I ponder whether I’m allergic to work.  I tend to develop headaches and become irritable in the afternoon, probably because I don’t get paid naptime.  Wtf??

If corporations modeled office rules after kindergarten classrooms, employees would be a lot happier.  We’d get recess, naptime, playtime, milk & cookies, songs, occasional learning and friendships!  Yay!  What could be better?

To my fellow office sufferers:

Is it suspect if I post a standard “Out of Office” message on my email just in case I make it out of here?  I wouldn’t say anything too obvious, just something like: